Where do I begin?

Finally after 3 years it begins! The wait is over my friends! Maybe being forced to drop out of school this semester was a hidden gift so that I could finally start writing....and stop listening to all of you who keep asking me, "When are you starting your blog?" Everything happens for a reason right?

I have so many things to say that I don't even know where to start...or for that matter what to start with. Let's see....Once upon a time, 3 years ago, I was sitting on bench in the middle of downtown Los Angeles when a bee decided to tell me I had cancer. I guess I just didn't appreciate his approach to the matter, a letter would have been nice but stinging me in the armpit......so not cool! And this is where it all begins.

When we receive gifts from God we don't always recognize them. The packaging just isn't right so we just overlook what's being laid out before us. We basically choose to ignore our wake up call because it seems so insignificant, at least at the time. Six months later you realize why it all happened. For those of you who have heard this story 50 times I apologize....but part of this gift of being able to finally lay out my words in writing means informing those (in a shorter version) of how it all began.

Six months after receiving a bee sting to my right armpit I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The bee sting is what, thus far, has saved my life and started this new journey for me. It has taken me through 5 rounds of chemotherapy, 7 weeks of radiation, 8 surgeries (and counting), a break up, 3 moves (2 of them to other states), therapy, loosing my job, loosing my lifestyle, loosing my cat , reavaluting my friends and family, endless doctor bills, bad credit and going back to school. Oh believe me, this list could be ten times longer, but this is blog right and the more I write the more you will be informed, so why give it all away in the beginning?

None of this has been easy, but somehow the harder it all gets the more I start realizing what life is finally all about. Some say I'm strong, but honestly I have never looked at it like that. I'm not sure why? To me, it's just my life and I don't know any other way of living it. The physical pain is just something I live with, it's the emotional pain that's new for me. Miss Unemotional....if it where a beauty contest I would definitely win. Thanks Mom! (That's another story)

I have been inspired by many to start writing what I have to say, so I am sorry if my blogs take off and start jumping around....it might be A.D.D. :) I promise to make them interesting and informative, because my life is truly interesting to those of you who aren't living it for some reason. :) From surgeries to treatment and my daily struggles this will be an action packed journal filled with joy and of course heartbreak. I mean really what is life without a good love story thrown in the mix....well....the attempts we have at love that is....ok....my attempts at love. :) My life being laid out on the table for all to read....oh my god this is scary!

3 years and counting and the breast cancer battle still carries on. I only had about a 12 month break from cancer (or at least I thought) before this all started up again, and during that time off I mourned the loss of a relationship which seemed to be the only thing that mattered. If I only knew what I knew now it would have played out so much differently! I could kick myself for all that wasted time! Believe me when I say.... your mind is your absolute worst enemy, and if you let it....it will completely take over. Just believe me and don't let it win! This place in my life that I'm at now is not my strongest, but I am so ready to push forward and not give up on my goals, my hopes and what it is that I deserve! I have an unfortunate gift, but it is teaching me well.

So.....for those who are awaiting my cancer update....sorry got caught off guard writing. :) The next surgery is September 11th at Hoag Hospital up in Newport Beach, CA....that is if I can beat this freaking cold! It is yet another attempt for clear margins. The cancer that is still remaining is so small and scattered throughout my right armpit area it has become a maze, and a guessing game for my surgeon. After a freaking double masectomy you would think that there isn't any breast tissue left for this cancer to find, but surprise it finds it, and the feeding frenzy continues. So....prayers that this surgery is it and gets all the cancer once and for all! I will do my best to not suffer from anxiety as I awaite my pathology report on this one. Pathology reports have become my God....the say all and depict all. My plastic surgeon will be there so that basically I still look like I have an armpit and boobs. My back is healing nicely from this past surgery and the removal of my lat muscle to my right breast. It's not the prettiest scar in the world, and I have to admit it makes me insecure on many levels....but my boobs look great! :)

The traveling between Colorado and California continues....and will for several more months. So there will be no shortage of me in San Diego....lots to go around....so I hope to fit in all friends who are there and to those of you who are not, well, pick a city to visit! :) The adventure continues! Till next time.........